wander, woman

 I am not sure why I am having a hard time settling down. This antsy-ness has to stop, I am getting moodier by the mile and I don't know-- my energy levels are low. Is it the expenses? :) October beat September to this-- it's just so many things we need to pay for, and all those things I thought we shouldn't have shouldered are, well, there.  So today I learned two things. One is that money is never enough. We pay for many things, and it just never ends. Another thing is-- that I can still live without that watch. :) Hello xmas wishlist. :)

I think about my children almost all the time. Sometimes I would try to set some "me" time but I also end up doing things for them, like getting things they need, or making appointments in their behalf. I am not complaining really, I love doing it for them. I sometimes picture their eyes looking at me, doing nothing else, just looking. I have just been so busy these days, and I have lots of things I wish I can do with them. I envision a future of us doing those things, one of which involves a place where we can improve on our eye sight. Is there even such a place? Will a sunny, bright place be the answer to this? There will be times I would try to solve this-- hoping we'd get our 20/20 vision back. A's eyes are poorly, mine has deteriorated post parts and is hastened by the cold weather plus less day time bright light. Should be the computer too. If there would be this place for us to rest-- and I know where it is-- that place would have the beach, fresh air and good

 Day 3 and 4 should not actually count, mainly because it's exhaustion family day. We run errands these days, we bring kids to classes, pay A with milk tea as agreed upon on Saturdays. Sundays is food shopping, and park.  After 5 hours in downtown last Saturday we attended a birthday party. That's a part of it too. Sometimes I myself am amazed on how much we have to do, and why we keep doing them anyway. Half of me is tired, while the other half knows that we're doing this for the kids. We get to spend time with them, we get to do things they love to do. It's an excuse to walk around, and ferry them from one place to the other. And have pearl milk tea. 

The word is out-- I contributed to IMISCOE PhD Blog's Special Issue on Decolonising Methodologies . Pretty happy with how the article turned out, it was a good exercise on keeping things concise.  My article on p.11 talks about decolonising tools such as Ethnography, and warns about mistaking binaries in writing against the empire. There is more to oppression and colonialism than the us vs them framework. We have seen demagogues in this system flourish, thus we need to be careful.

 I am challenging myself: 1. To write something everyday. 2. To read something everyday. 3. To exercise every Friday. Then gradually twice a week, thrice, everyday.

Minsan nadadaanq lang ng pride eh. Pero may presyo ang lahat ng bagay. I don’t even mean price as money. My last salary drawn in 2004, where I started my first job after university was the same amount you are ‘offering’ me in 2016. To travel for an hour, on a really bad schedule because I am a junior faculty, and not to even undergo proper employee orientation, without any proper place to stay in, in between classes. I talked to people about this, and they really think this is an investment really. That things will get better.   When I was asked to work for xxx, I even consulted wit Dr Axx. He said strategically it’s a no-brainer. The more prestigious school will take me further, in life’s trajectories. But Uxxx gave me a cubicle. And the intellectual reign to design the module I am teaching. No turning back, really. There are times I think of that, i.e., whenever I prepare my lectures on Fukuyama’s State-building (American Government and Politics), or when I get my students to work on